Broken Dream, Breaking Despair
by hlin
Summary: one-shot. or so I think anyway - "Dry-eyed, she stared dully into the mocking eyes of the blind darkness." Please read and review!


**Broken Dream, Breaking Despair**

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Disclaimer: Gundam Seed is not mine, so don't try to sue me.

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Author's Note: Uhh... okay. So, I know I should be working on chapter 2 for the other story. Sorry, but this one has been bugging me for a while and (shrug) this might work as a sister piece to my current project. It may be confusing at first, but when I get chapter 2 and 3 for "Family, Friend, or Enemy" up. You will understand this one. Hopefully...)

As always, please spare a minute or two reviewing. Comments and constructive criticisms are much appreciated but no flame, please.

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He never knew he could hate it so much.

The world and humanity… the very reason he and his friends had been fighting for…

The world and humanity… the very reason so many had given up their lives for…

The world and humanity…

The very reason they were suffering now. The very reason they would suffer for the rest of their lives.

"It's all right… It's okay… Everybody's fine. Nobody's hurt. We're safe. It's okay…"

Muffled, heart-wrenching sobs and broken, unintelligible muttering. "…ey …died …ault. Every…left…. …ave…me?"

"…Just a dream. It was only a dream. You know we have never left you. You know I will never leave you…"

Putting his arms on one drawn knee, he buried his face in them. He sighed and listened dully to the sound of hushed suffering from the other side of the wall. Heart heavy with sorrow and angry helplessness, he closed his eyes and saw in his mind…

He saw her sitting on the rumpled bed in that dark room with him in her arms. His head resting close to her heart and his arms wrapping tightly around her waist, he cried to her, telling her of his pain and sadness.

Soft, soothing humming…gentle, rhythmic rocking… Like a mother comforting a fretful child who had woken up in the middle of the night from some bad dreams, she held him tenderly in her arms, stroking his hair, kissing the close lids of his eyes… inside, crying silently.

Broken dream… helplessly lost in the whirlwind of confusion, drowning in the darkness of despair.

Breaking despair… hopelessly held onto the shattered fragments in her hands, fighting desperately against the strong current, still believing in the fading light that had abandoned them.

"_If he was humanity's dream, wouldn't it make me humanity's despair then?"_

"It's my f-fault," he sobbed, his voice thick and hoarse, full of anguish. "It's a-all my fault…"

She pushed back damp locks and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. "It's not just one person's fault. It's not _your_ fault. Never was and never will be. What happened…it couldn't be helped. You did your best, you did all you could…"

Small hiccups and gasping breaths. Glittering bubble tears floating, body of a frightened child shaking…

"They died… I-I couldn't save them. I couldn't save h-_her_…"

A sorrowful sigh. Her hand stroking his back gently. "And I couldn't save him. He died… Just as many others had…"

"Why…?" he lifted his face up to stare sightlessly at her. Pain and infinite sadness, agony and helpless hatred, they reflected painfully clear in his tears-clouded eyes. "Why did they make me this w-way? Why did they make me if I…if I c-can't even p-protect the people I care? I…I…. Why? _Why!_"

Lifting his head from his arms, he stared blindly at the darkness of his own room. There was no light, the room was cold, and he was alone.

"Kira…" the name came out as a sad, heartbroken sigh. A sigh that broke his heart. Their hearts. "Oh Kira…"

Curling into a ball on his own rumpled bed, he closed his eyes once again and listened.

"…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cagalli… Sorry…"

"Shh…" gentle hand guided his head down to her shoulder. She brushed her lips softly to his brow. "It's all right. I understand. I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry for everything… Everything that happened from the beginning..."

A sigh shivered from him, his hands clutching at the cool sheets.

Eyes closed tiredly, tears shed ceaselessly, he held her to him and let the strong rhythmic beating of her heart calm him.

"It hurts. I know it hurts badly. But better the truth than more lies, is it? It hurts now and it hurts a lot. But in the end the pain will go away and then we can all learn to smile and laugh, and be happy again. Until then…" she held him close and dropped a kiss on his head. "Until then, I will be here to protect you. I will be here for you when it hurts and the pain makes you cry. You have me, Kira. You will never be alone and I will always love you, no matter what. I love you, my little brother. I love you and I will never ever leave you alone again."

Tears trickled down silently from his closed eyes, floating gently in the darkness of the cold room. Once again he damned the world and humanity for their suffering. He damned fate and destiny for letting things happened the way they did. He damned…himself and this helplessness that was burning inside.

Why…? He had never failed a single mission in the past, he always could do so many things before, and this time he also helped saving the world and humanity from being destroyed from his own father even, so why…

Why couldn't he do anything to help the two people who were important to him most?

"Why…?"

From somewhere, someone was singing softly. The song…it brought back so many memories…

"_Shizukana kono yoru ni anata wo matteru no."_

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"_A girl…?"_

"_Father, I know you betrayed us all!"_

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"_Ano toki wasureta hohoemi wo tori ni kite."_

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"_A…thrun?"_

"…_Kira?"_

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"_Are kara sukoshi dake jikan ga sugite"_

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"_So…you are a Coordinator?"_

"_He's not an enemy! Kira's our friend!"_

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"_Omoide ga yasashiku natta ne…"_

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"_Miguel!"_

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"_Hoshi no furu basho de…"_

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"_Kira! Kira Yamato?"  
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"_Athrun… Athrun Zala?"_

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"_Anata ga waratte irukoto wo…"_

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"_Oh my, this is not ZAFT's ship now, is it?"_

_"Wait a minute, stop that! This is a joke, right? Why do I have to shake hands with you? Don't try to be friendly with me, you filthy Coordinator!"_

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"_Iitsumo negatteta …"_

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"_Come with us, Kira!"_

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"_Ima tookutemo…"_

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"_Thank you for protecting us."_

"_It's all right. I am here. I will protect you…"_

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"_Mata aeru yo ne…"_

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"_You… Why are you piloting that mobile suit!"_

"_So many things have happened then. Many things…"_

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"_Itsu kara hohoemi wa konna ni hakanakute…"_

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"_Stop right there! Wait one minute! How could you add chili sauce to your kebab?"_

"_A…girl?"_

"_How dare you!"_

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"_Hitotsu no machigai de kowarete shimau kara…"_

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"_It's all right. Everything's fine… Everything will be just fine…"_

"_But I understand those to be Natural's…or everyone's dream. That's why we exist."_

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"_Taisetsu na mono dake o hikari ni kaete…"_

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"_I know very well that Orb's at fault for making them! But that…that mobile suit will end up killing many people on Earth, won't it?"_

"_I'm a ZAFT pilot. I will not allow you to touch my machine. If you insist on using that gun, I will kill you."_

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"_Tooi sora koete yuku tsuyosa de…"_

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"_If you should kill someone's husband, his wife would hate you. If you should kill someone's son, his mother would hate you. And if someone should kill you, I would hate that person. Can't you figure out this vicious cycle?"_

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"_Hoshi no furu basho e…"_

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"_Don't get yourself killed, all right?"_

"…_Don't worry, I'll be all right. I'll be all right…"_

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"_Omoi o anata ni todoketai…"_

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"_He killed Nicol! Nicol loved to play piano. And he was only 15. Yet Kira killed him, when he was only fighting to protect the PLANTs!"_

"_Kira also fought only because he wanted to protect others! So why did he have to be killed? And of all people, at the hands of a friend! Yours!"_

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"_Itsumo soba ni iru…"_

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"_You can't do everything just because you have the heart and power to do it."_

"_If we think we can do nothing and don't do anything, we will end up doing less than nothing."_

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"_Sono tsumetasa o dakishimeru kara…"_

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"_There's no use thinking about it right now, Cagalli. Even if it's true. Lord Uzumi is still your father…"_

"_You are the dream of the humanity. The Ultimate Coordinator. Doctor Hibki's artificial womb was built because of that dream. You are the only child that was successfully created by it. You are his son, and exist thanks to the countless sacrifices of your siblings."_

"_It'll be alright. I'd made up my mind not to cry anymore."_

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"_Ima tookute mo kitto aeru ne…"_

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"_All of us… Mankind… may perhaps exist happily without fighting. However, for those who fought and died… For whose sake was it? For the sake of protecting… What? For oneself? For the future? Killing someone to protect the future... Oneself… What is this? Why? And also, those who were killed have lost their futures… Then… How about those who killed?"_

"_I forgive you…"_

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"_Shizuka na yoru ni…"_

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"_The hardest battle is to keep on living…"_

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But when would this battle end? The battle they were fighting, would it ever end?

The song faded to silence. Silence so cold and unforgiving.

He could no longer hear the soft crying and her gentle murmuring. Perhaps they had fallen asleep.

_No…_ he opened his eyes and sat up slowly.

"Cagalli…?" he whispered, his voice breaking. He touched the wall with his hand. Tears that were not his kept falling. "Cagalli, I…"

On the other side of the wall, Cagalli held the sleeping Kira in her arms, close to her heart. It was not the first time she did what she did here, and it was certainly not going to be the last time either.

Dry-eyed, she stared dully into the mocking eyes of the blind darkness.

_"At last our dream has come true. No longer shall men despair because of the imperfection that Nature has cursed us with!"_

_"Can you feel him? That's your brother in there. Don't worry…once this is over, we'll all be together. I will protect you. Both of you." _

She sighed and closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them again, they were determined and resolute.

"I swear," she whispered to the solemn silence. "I swore it once before, I swear it now again that no matter what shall happen in the future, I am not going to give up. Even if it's going to kill me, I will never give up. For Father, for Orb, for those who died and for those who still live, for my friends here, and for the family I have left now…" her arms tightened protectively around her brother, "…even if I have to lose everything, even if I have to die, I will protect them. I will not let anyone die or get hurt again, I swear."

Silenced seemed to sigh at her vow as darkness lulled and led her into the realm of dreamless sleep. She had never noticed how, after that, arms that had been holding onto her so desperately up until then had loosened into an embrace most gentle and tender.

She did not know and would never know how tears had trickled down his face at that moment as he whispered…

"Cagalli, I love you. And I'm sorry... For everything..."

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Please review! 


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